OOPS!

Drop in and dribble on about nothing serious. Seriously a mad place to hang out. Better to avoid it if you're not in the mood!!! If you're determined to be sad, bad, mad & angry then move along!!!
pet-els
Posts: 2152
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:16 pm

Re: OOPS!

Post by pet-els »

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.



This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:



Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?



A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.



Q. Where will the government get this money ?



A. From taxpayers.



Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?



A. Only a smidgen of it.



Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?



A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a ; high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.



Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?



A. Shut up.



Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Australian. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:



* If you spend the stimulus money at Bunnings, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .



* If you spend it on petrol or diesel, your money will go to the Arabs.



* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or ; China ...



* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Asia, Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala ..



* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .



* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.



* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go ; to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.



Instead, keep the money in Australia by:



1) Spending it at garage sales, or



2) Going to ball games, or



3) Spending it on prostitutes, or



4) Beer or



5) Tattoos.



(These are the only Australian businesses still operating in Australia. )



Conclusion:



Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a garage sale and drink beer all day !



No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

PeterH
PeterH
BernieQ2
Posts: 7120
Joined: Thu May 07, 2020 7:57 pm

Re: OOPS!

Post by BernieQ2 »

Good one Peter,
Bernie.
pet-els
Posts: 2152
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:16 pm

Re: OOPS!

Post by pet-els »

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland man answered his door to find two grim-faced Constables.

"We're sorry, Mr. O' Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers.

"Tell me!? Did you find her?" Michael Patrick O'Flynn asked.

The constables looked at each other and one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. O' Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."

The constable said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay."

"Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God!" exclaimed O' Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"

The constable continued, "When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. O' Flynn demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?"

The constable replied, "We’ll be pulling her up again tomorrow."

PeterH
PeterH
User avatar
Greynomad
Posts: 7986
Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2012 4:16 pm
Location: Rutherglen, Vic.

Re: OOPS!

Post by Greynomad »

Peter,
I REALLY took the bait on that one!
😅😂🤣
Regards & God bless,
Ray
--
"Insufficient data for a meaningful answer."
Isaac Asimov, "The Last Question"

"I refuse to drink water, because of the disgusting things fish do in it"
W.C.Fields
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