Bar jokes

Place your jokes in this section. A little naughty will be tolerated but please no really vulgar ones!!! If you might be offended it may be better to bypass this section!!!
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Greynomad
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Re: Bar jokes

Post by Greynomad »

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

Ba-boom, TISH!! 🤣
Regards & God bless,
Ray
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"I refuse to drink water, because of the disgusting things fish do in it"
W.C.Fields
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Greynomad
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Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2012 4:16 pm
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Re: Bar jokes

Post by Greynomad »

From the British Motorcar Licensing test paper of 1938:

Q: A man bursts out of a one-way street the wrong way, spears across the road without giving way to cross traffic, mounts the steps and smashes through the doors of a public house, ending up hard against the bar.
Is he liable for damages?

A: Only if he has his car with him.
Regards & God bless,
Ray
--
"Insufficient data for a meaningful answer."
Isaac Asimov, "The Last Question"

"I refuse to drink water, because of the disgusting things fish do in it"
W.C.Fields
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T1 Terry
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Re: Bar jokes

Post by T1 Terry »

Shamelessly stolen from another forum.

So was at a bar last night and saw this rather solidly built female wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater"

I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men.. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said; "That's actually not what I was going to say at all."

"Oh.." she replied as a smile started to come across her face. "What were you going to say?"

"That's not how you spell manatee."
A person may fail many times, they only become a failure when they blame someone else John Burrows
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Greynomad
Posts: 7983
Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2012 4:16 pm
Location: Rutherglen, Vic.

Re: Bar jokes

Post by Greynomad »

T1 Terry wrote: Tue Jul 24, 2018 2:51 pm Shamelessly stolen from another forum.
T1,
I might be just a bit slow on this one.
Just noticed your comment while browsing old jokes here.
FYI, I lifted this one from a book I inherited from my father, published in 1935, called “You Have Been Warned” by Fougasse & McCullough. It’s a satire on driving in the 1930s.
Not aware that anything similar had been posted anywhere. 🤭
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Regards & God bless,
Ray
--
"Insufficient data for a meaningful answer."
Isaac Asimov, "The Last Question"

"I refuse to drink water, because of the disgusting things fish do in it"
W.C.Fields
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