One for Chuck
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- Posts: 2152
- Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:16 pm
One for Chuck
Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous.
Recently, a female Sheriff's Deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication. The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop.
'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around,' he stated. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him. 'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.'
Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ... 'I said excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?’
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Shit ... Is it midnight already?'”
The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter. Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10.00 and sent on his way.
The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as "The best comeback line ever."
PeterH
Recently, a female Sheriff's Deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication. The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop.
'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around,' he stated. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him. 'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.'
Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ... 'I said excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?’
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Shit ... Is it midnight already?'”
The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter. Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10.00 and sent on his way.
The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as "The best comeback line ever."
PeterH
PeterH
- Dot
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- Location: Strathalbyn SA
Re: One for Chuck
Good one Peter
Queen of the Banal & OT chatter and proud of it. If it offends you then tough titty titty bang bang.
- Chuck
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- Location: Blue Mountains NSW
Re: One for Chuck
I'll pay that one...
Chuck & Catriana
aka Geriatric Gypsies.
2018 VW Tiguan.
White.
aka Geriatric Gypsies.
2018 VW Tiguan.
White.
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Re: One for Chuck
Subject: I had it all
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up
this way. He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat,
my clothes were washed and pressed.
"I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the
gym, the pool, and the library.
“I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had
full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened, drugs, alcohol, divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no....I was paroled.”
PeterH
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up
this way. He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat,
my clothes were washed and pressed.
"I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the
gym, the pool, and the library.
“I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had
full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened, drugs, alcohol, divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no....I was paroled.”
PeterH
PeterH
- Vik351
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- Joined: Sat Aug 05, 2017 3:50 pm
- Location: Adelaide SA
Re: One for Chuck
The locksmith workin on the Espie and I were talkin about stuff like that and how one night in town on a call he was at the red lights and a hobo ran up to the front of his car,bumped into it and then lay on the road.pet-els wrote: ↑Sun Dec 02, 2018 8:46 am Subject: I had it all
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up
this way. He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat,
my clothes were washed and pressed.
"I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the
gym, the pool, and the library.
“I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had
full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened, drugs, alcohol, divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no....I was paroled.”
PeterH
Short story, he called the cops, they came, “Oh thats fkn Bill again, he just wants a warm bed in hospital for the night,does it all the time”
Vik...
Merk 4x4 VF30 519 CDI 2020 LWB V6TD 3 ltr 6 wheeler ,Tenorite Grey ... yep, it's not white ...!!!
- Helen Grose
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Re: One for Chuck
Hahaha I love that [emoji1787][emoji1787]
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Sent from my SM-J250G using Tapatalk
- Helen Grose
- Posts: 2104
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2013 8:20 pm
Re: One for Chuck
They are all very good I get a good laugh
Helen
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Helen
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- supersparky
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- Location: Home on the beautiful Gold Coast for a while.
Re: One for Chuck
Has anybody else noticed that there are TWO One for Chuck threads.
Cheers
David
David and Terrie with Bandit the travelling companion
2006 Winnebago Alpine
Recently retired and loving it.
David
David and Terrie with Bandit the travelling companion
2006 Winnebago Alpine
Recently retired and loving it.
- dapope
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- Location: N.F.A.
Re: One for Chuck
Need renamingsupersparky wrote: ↑Sat Dec 08, 2018 9:45 pm Has anybody else noticed that there are TWO One for Chuck threads.
Two for Chuck
Wobblybox on wheels
Pace Arrow. La de da, property in two continents..
Pace Arrow. La de da, property in two continents..