new medical diagnostic machine

[Dot]

Tesco have installed a medical machine, that for $5 and a urine sample, would diagnose any condition. When my mate went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my mate wondered if he could fool the machine. He mixed tapwater with dog poo, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pleasured himself into the mixture. When he tipped it into the machine the next day, the printout read: "1. Your tapwater is too hard. Use softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Give it antibiotics. 3. Your daughter is on cocaine. Get her to rehab. 4. Your wife is expecting twins. Not yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you keep playing with yourself, your f'n elbow won't get better!" Thank you for shopping at Tesco."

[supersparky]

[T1 Terry]

Is there a version that gives such frank advice to female clients? It would need some serious armour plating and inside a sound proof enclosure to avoid damage to small children and those easily shocked by bad language