Classy Insults

[pet-els]

When insults had class .... and not 4 letter words!


These glorious insults are from an era “ before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.



A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”



"That depends, Sir, " said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."





"He had delusions of adequacy ." -Walter Kerr



"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."- Winston Churchill



"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."-Clarence Darrow



"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)



"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.”-Moses Hadas



"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -Mark Twain



"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."-Oscar Wilde



"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill



"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."-Winston Churchill, in response



"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."-Stephen Bishop



"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."-John Bright



"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."-Irvin S. Cobb



"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."-Samuel Johnson



"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."- Paul Keating



"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."-Charles, Count Talleyrand



"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."-Forrest Tucker



"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"-Mark Twain



"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."-Mae West



"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."Oscar Wilde



"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)



"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."-Billy Wilder



"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."-Groucho Marx

PeterH

[pet-els]

A WISE PERSON ONCE SAID



1 WE ALL LOVE TO SPEND MONEY BUYING NEW CLOTHES



BUT WE NEVER REALISE THAT THE BEST MOMENTS IN LIFE



ARE ENJOYED WITHOUT CLOTHES



2 HAVING A COLD DRINK ON A HOT DAY WITH A FEW FRIENDS IS NICE



BUT HAVING A HOT FRIEND ON A COLD NIGHT AFTER A FEW DRINKS IS PRICELESS



3 ARGUING OVER A GIRLS BUST SIZE IS LIKE CHOOSING BETWEEN



FOSTERS, VICTORIA BITTER,XXXX & CROWN LAGER



MEN MAY STATE THEIR PREFERENCES , BUT WILL GRAB WHATEVER IS AVAILABLE



4 I HAVENT VERIFIED THIS ON SNOPES OR GOOGLE BUT IT SOUNDS LEGIT



A RECENT STUDY FOUND THAT WOMAN WHO CARRY A LITTLE EXTRA WEIGHT LIVE


PeterH





LONGER THAN THE MEN WHO MENTION IT

[supersparky]

Very good Peter. Especially the last one which is just so true.

[Greynomad]

How about:

"In order for you to insult me,
I must first value your opinion.
Nice try, though."

[supersparky]

How about:

"In order for you to insult me,
I must first value your opinion.
Nice try, though."

Love it. Can't beat the double edged insult.

[T1 Terry]

The old round was "Do you know what I like about you? Nothing" After that became exhausted from over use I adapted it to "know what I like about you? Yeah, I couldn't think of anything either?"

T1 Terry