On fr Chuck

Anything you like to talk about..Dot is the boss...
pet-els
Posts: 1317
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:16 pm

Re: On fr Chuck

Post by pet-els » Tue Sep 18, 2018 7:41 am

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la Casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves
whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group
was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.


(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.


The women won.

Send this to all the smart women you know
..And all the men that have a sense of humor.


PeterH
PeterH

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supersparky
Posts: 2482
Joined: Mon Nov 26, 2012 7:00 pm
Location: Back on the beautiful Gold Coast.

Re: On fr Chuck

Post by supersparky » Tue Sep 18, 2018 8:29 pm

Good one Peter, even from a bloke point of view it is still funny. :lol: :lol: :lol: :roll:
Cheers
David

David and Terrie with Bandit the travelling companion
2006 Winnebago Alpine
Every day the BIG day gets closer.

pet-els
Posts: 1317
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:16 pm

Re: On fr Chuck

Post by pet-els » Thu Sep 20, 2018 9:15 am

This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for my stroll around the marina.

I noticed a man with a long blade knife running down the dock towards me, dressed in Islamic clothing who shouted "Allah be praised!” and "Death to all Infidels!,” when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water

He was struggling to stay afloat because of the weight of all the explosives he was carrying, and I knew that If he didn't get help he would surely drown!

Being a responsible citizen, and abiding by the moral code that requires a person to get help to those in distress, I contacted the Police, the Coast Guard, Homeland Security and even the Fire Department.



It is now 11:00 AM, the terrorist has drowned, and none of the authorities have responded. I'm starting to think I just wasted four stamps.

PeterH
PeterH

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T1 Terry
Posts: 8371
Joined: Fri Nov 23, 2012 3:44 pm
Location: Mannum South Australia by the beautiful Murray River
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Re: On fr Chuck

Post by T1 Terry » Thu Sep 20, 2018 10:09 am

pet-els wrote:
Tue Sep 18, 2018 7:41 am
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la Casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves
whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group
was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.


(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.


The women won.

Send this to all the smart women you know
..And all the men that have a sense of humor.


PeterH
The result was telegraphed in the opening line. How could a male be right and a female be wrong in the eyes of another female ;) :lol: All males know a female can only be wrong if there is no male involved :o who said that?
Success isn't measured by who laughs with you
or those laughing at you, it's who gets the last laugh

No one, however smart, however well educated, however experienced,
is the suppository of all wisdom - Tony Abbott

pet-els
Posts: 1317
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:16 pm

Re: On fr Chuck

Post by pet-els » Wed Oct 10, 2018 6:55 pm

AUSTRALIA AND AUSTRALIANS.

The following is by Douglas Adams of "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" fame.





"Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the bottom half of the planet.

It is recognisable from orbit, because of many unusual features; including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge: a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge into the girting sea.



Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology; but they still call it the "Great Australian Bight", proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory; but they can't spell either.



The first of the confusing things about Australia, is the status of the place.



Where other landmasses and sovereign lands are classified as continent, island or country: Australia is considered all three.

Typically, it is unique in this.



The second confusing thing about Australia is the animals.

They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep.

It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet; Australia has 9 of them.

Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids: Australia has all of them!



However, there are few snakes, possibly because the spiders have killed them all.

But even the spiders won't go near the sea.

Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots, (before putting them on), under toilet seats, (before sitting down) and generally, everywhere else.

A stick is very useful for this task.



The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants.



A SHORT HISTORY:



Sometime around 40,000 years ago, some people arrived in boats from the north.

They ate all the available food, and a lot of them died.

The ones who survived, learned respect for the balance of nature, man's proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders.

They settled in and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories.



Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north.

More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged people in charge.

They tried to plant their crops in autumn, (failing to take account of the reversal of the seasons), ate all their food, and a lot of them died.



About then, the sheep arrived; and have been treasured ever since.

It is interesting to note here, that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter; since they can lie, cheat, steal and litigate: (marks of a civilised culture they say.)

whereas, all the Aboriginals can do, is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert, equipped with a stick.



Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on 'extended holiday' and became Australians.

The changes are subtle, but deep; caused by the mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet, where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside themselves to the core of their essence, their reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside their boots every morning for fatal surprises.

They also picked up the most finely tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories.

Be warned: There is also the matter of the beaches.



Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the world: although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to contend with sharks, stinging jellyfish, stonefish (a fish which sits on the bottom of the sea; pretends to be a rock and has venomous barbs sticking out of its back, that will kill just from the pain): and surfboarders!!

However, watching a beach sunset is worth the risk.



As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a dour lot.

Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger.

Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick.

Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string and mud.

Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome: and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence.



They call the land "Oz" or "Godzone" (a verbal contraction of "God's Own Country.")



THE IRRITATING THING ABOUT THIS IS: THEY MAY BE RIGHT!





TIPS TO SURVIVING AUSTRALIA:

Don't ever put your hand down a hole for any reason WHATSOEVER.



The beer is stronger than you think: regardless of how strong you think it is.



Always carry a stick.



Air-conditioning is imperative.



Do not attempt to use Australian slang, unless you are a trained linguist and extremely good in a fist fight.



Wear thick socks.



Take good maps.



Stopping to ask directions, only works when there are people nearby.



If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you, at all times: or you will die: And: don't forget a stick!



Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth, that it is unwise to ignore.





HOW TO IDENTIFY AUSTRALIANS.



They waddle when they walk, due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers, stuffed in their wallet or purse.



They pronounce Melbourne; as "Mel-bin"



They think it makes perfect sense to decorate highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.



They think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place” that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga", but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".



Their hamburgers will contain beetroot. Apparently it's a must-have.



They don't think it's summer, until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.



They believe that all train timetables are works of fiction.



And they all carry a stick!

Why would anybody want to leave. ???


PeterH
PeterH

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