Roomba (auto vac) and it's nightly job

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Dot
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Roomba (auto vac) and it's nightly job

Post by Dot »

· Thought this would give you all a good laugh :) :)


So, last week, something pretty tragic happened in our household. It's taken me until now to wrap my head around it and find the words to describe the horror. It started off simple enough - something that's probably happened to most of you.

Sometime between midnight and 1:30am, our puppy Evie pooped on our rug in the living room. This is the only time she's done this, so it's probably just because we forgot to let her out before we went to bed that night. Now, if you have a detective's mind, you may be wondering how we know the poop occurred between midnight and 1:30am. We were asleep, so how do I know that time frame?

Why, friends, that's because our Roomba runs at 1:30am every night, while we sleep. And it found the poop. And so begins the Pooptastrophe. The poohpocalypse. The pooppening.

If you have a Roomba, please rid yourself of all distractions and absorb everything I'm about to tell you.

Do not, under any circumstances, let your Roomba run over dog poop. If the unthinkable does happen, and your Roomba runs over dog poop, stop it immediately and do not let it continue the cleaning cycle. Because if that happens, it will spread the dog poop over every conceivable surface within its reach, resulting in a home that closely resembles a Jackson Pollock poop painting.

It will be on your floorboards. It will be on your furniture legs. It will be on your carpets. It will be on your rugs. It will be on your kids' toy boxes. If it's near the floor, it will have poop on it. Those awesome wheels, which have a checkered surface for better traction, left 25-foot poop trails all over the house. Our lovable Roomba, who gets a careful cleaning every night, looked like it had been mudding. Yes, mudding - like what you do with a Jeep on a pipeline road. But in poop.

Then, when your four-year-old gets up at 3am to crawl into your bed, you'll wonder why he smells like dog poop. And you'll walk into the living room. And you'll wonder why the floor feels slightly gritty. And you'll see a brown-encrusted, vaguely Roomba-shaped thing sitting in the middle of the floor with a glowing green light, like everything's okay. Like it's proud of itself. You were still half-asleep until this point, but now you wake up pretty damn quickly.

And then the horror. Oh the horror.

So, first you clean the child. You scrub the poop off his feet and put him back in bed. But you don't bother cleaning your own feet, because you know what's coming. It's inevitable, and it's coming at you like a freight train. Some folks would shrug their shoulders and get back in bed to deal with it in the morning. But you're not one of those people - you can't go to sleep with that war zone of poop in the living room.

So you clean the Roomba. You toss it in the bathtub to let it soak. You pull it apart, piece-by-piece, wondering at what point you became an adult and assumed responsibility for 3:30am-Roomba-disassembly-poop-cleanups. By this point, the poop isn't just on your hands - it's smeared up to your elbows. You already heard the Roomba make that "whirlllllllllllllllll-boop-hisssssssss" noise that sounds like electronics dying, and you realize you forgot to pull the battery before getting it wet.

Oh, and you're not just using profanity - you're inventing new types of profanity. You're saying things that would make Satan shudder in revulsion. You hope your kid stayed in bed, because if he hears you talking like this, there's no way he's not ending up in prison.

Then you get out the carpet shampooer. When you push it up to the rug - the rug that started it all - the shampooer just laughs at you. Because that rug is going in the trash, folks. But you shampoo it anyway, because your wife loved that damn rug, and you know she'll ask if you tried to clean it first.

Then you get out the paper towel rolls, idly wondering if you should invest in paper towel stock, and you blow through three or four rolls wiping up poop. Then you get the spray bottle with bleach water and hose down the floor boards to let them soak, because the poop has already dried. Then out comes the steam mop, and you take care of those 25-ft poop trails.

And then, because it's 6am, you go to bed. Let's finish this tomorrow, right?

The next day, you finish taking the Roomba apart, scraping out all the tiny flecks of poop, and after watching a few Youtube instructional videos, you remove the motherboard to wash it with a toothbrush. Then you bake it in the oven to dry. You put it all back together, and of course it doesn't work. Because you heard the "whirlllllllllllllll-boop-hissssssss" noise when it died its poopy death in the bathtub. But you hoped that maybe the Roomba gods would have mercy on you.

But there's a light at the end of the tunnel. After spending a week researching how to fix this damn £350 Roomba without spending £350 again - including refurb units, new motherboards, and new batteries - you finally decide to call the place where you bought it. That place called Hammacher Schlemmer. They have a funny name, but they have an awesome warranty. They claim it's for life, and it's for any reason.

So I called them and told the truth. My Roomba found dog poop and almost precipitated World War III.

And you know what they did? They offered to replace it. Yes, folks. They are replacing the Roomba that ran over dog poop and then died a poopy, watery death in the bathtub - by no fault of their own, of course.

So, mad props to Hammacher Schlemmer. If you're buying anything expensive, and they sell it, I recommend buying it from them. And remember - don't let your Roomba run over dog poop...
Queen of the Banal & OT chatter and proud of it. If it offends you then tough titty titty bang bang.
bagmaker
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Re: Roomba (auto vac) and it's nightly job

Post by bagmaker »

Well thats outdone my indian take-away mess. Used to have a roomba, early one, damn good machine. Stubborn, not that bright but stubborn.
Used to have sides, too, but now they are all split :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Dot
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Re: Roomba (auto vac) and it's nightly job

Post by Dot »

Jo & Derek also had a Roomba but they said it kept bonking the rug all day from when it was turned on till they got home . Bet it had been watching Derek !!
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supersparky
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Re: Roomba (auto vac) and it's nightly job

Post by supersparky »

Dot, It's only a dog turd. Get over it. How bad can it be? 98 % cereal anyway. :lol: :lol: :roll: :roll: Up until now I never thought those little robot floor sweepers weren't any good. Definitely not getting one now. :D :D
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native pepper
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Re: Roomba (auto vac) and it's nightly job

Post by native pepper »

Sound like you need a poop deck Dot and a vacum poop alarm, ah the life of dogs, a pooping good time. My new little one has only pissed on the carpet a couple of times, luckily it was in the band room, so just cut it out and put down new carpet. Although she did poop in my workshop in a place I wouldn't notice, but the smell was easy to follow.

Talking of smell, had a very big possum get into the waste from my oil processing and like all junk food it finally killed it. Problem was it decided to curl up in one of my storage bins to die, which is hard to access, so it took me a few days to find this disgusting smell and bloated maggot ridden body oozing all over some parts.
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Dot
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Re: Roomba (auto vac) and it's nightly job

Post by Dot »

A poop deck Yes that is what I need might just go looking at some houseboats :) NP lucky it wasn't a human body that curled up under the bus, they are rippers when they explode or turn to just liquid Oh yummo soup ladle time :)
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Greynomad
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Re: Roomba (auto vac) and it's nightly job

Post by Greynomad »

Hmmmmmmmmm... :(
:? Looks like I'll have to switch to Plan B for Mothers Day... :roll: ;)
Regards & God bless,
Ray
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T1 Terry
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Re: Roomba (auto vac) and it's nightly job

Post by T1 Terry »

Greynomad wrote:Hmmmmmmmmm... :(
:? Looks like I'll have to switch to Plan B for Mothers Day... :roll: ;)
Is that not to drop a surprise on the lounge room carpet Ray? :D
A person may fail many times, they only become a failure when they blame someone else John Burrows
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Greynomad
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Re: Roomba (auto vac) and it's nightly job

Post by Greynomad »

T1 Terry wrote:
Greynomad wrote:Hmmmmmmmmm... :(
:? Looks like I'll have to switch to Plan B for Mothers Day... :roll: ;)
Is that not to drop a surprise on the lounge room carpet Ray? :D
No, T1,
That's to avoid disasters like Dot's when the furry children forget their toilet training... :?
Regards & God bless,
Ray
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"Insufficient data for a meaningful answer."
Isaac Asimov, "The Last Question"

"I refuse to drink water, because of the disgusting things fish do in it"
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Dot
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Re: Roomba (auto vac) and it's nightly job

Post by Dot »

Not any of my animals Ray, might of been the sprogs down the street though. :) :)
Queen of the Banal & OT chatter and proud of it. If it offends you then tough titty titty bang bang.
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