Irish pilots....

[norman]

As they approached Dublin number 1 runway, the tower heard:



PILOT - Bjeesus will ya look how fookin shart dat runway is?

CO-PILOT - Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy

PILOT - Dis is ganna be one a de trickiest landings ever, Shamus!

CO-PILOT - Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy!!

PILOT - Right, Shamus, when I say 'go' put de engine in reverse!!

CO-PILOT - Royt, I'll do dat!!

PILOT - An den ya put de flaps down!!

CO-PILOT - Royt, I'll do dat, too!!

PILOT - An den stamp an de brakes as hard as yer can an pray ta de Holy Mudder a Gad!!!

CO-PILOT - I'm prayin already, but I'll hit de brakes as hard as I can.

So, as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray to the Holy Mother with all his soul. The brakes screeched, the tyres squealed, and there was smoke everywhere, but, to the relief of all the passengers and, not least of all, Paddy and Shamus, the aircraft came to a stop but a few metres from the end of the runway!!!

As Paddy and Shamus sat in the cockpit regaining some composure, Paddy looked out of the window and said to Shamus, "Dat has gat ta be de shartist fookin runway in de world!"

Shamus replied, "Yes, but da ya see how fookin wide it is?"

[Noggins]

This is Dublin Control Tower to Air Lingus flight 63 :- Report height and position.



Silence


Dublin Control Tower to Air Lingus flight 63 :- Report height and position.



Silence



Dublin Control Tower to Air Lingus flight 63 :- Report height and position.


For Fooks sake

I'm 5'9'' and up the front of the bloody plane ........




Ron

[hullabaloo]

I was standing in line at the information counter at Melbourne airport recently when an Irish chap pushed in front of everyone else in the queue and asked the attendant how long it takes to fly from Melbourne to Dublin.
The irate attendant said "Just a minute sir"
The Irishman said "Thank you" and walked off.