The A - Z Of Farting. (A weekly entry)

[Dot]

THE ELEPHANT FART

For all round timbre, complexity and sheer exuberance, simply the best.
Scientists tell us that because of their eating habits and plumbing arrangements, Elephants can manufacture several thousand litres of farting gas pr day.
Thank god they rarely eat broccoli. And thank god they're too big to be kept indoors.

[Dot]

F.
THE FAIRY FART.

Said to be the softest & sweetest of farts, the faintest rustle of thistle down on a summers day, the flutter of gossamer wings, the merest honeyed whisper. Pfffft, Pssseeee.

[dapope]

The fairy fart should not be confused with the poofter fart...

[Dot]

Holy bat bums there Martin, haven't got to the "P" farts yet and don't know if I really want to now..

[dapope]

Don't forget the faggot fart either
I know not PC

[Dot]

Shall have to wait and see if there is one of them, can't say I have ever heard one. (that I know of anyway)

[Dot]

The Fire Cracker Fart.

This is quite a celebratory fart, particularly noticeable during the CHINESE NEW YEAR when things are exploding everywhere, presumably to keep away evil spirits. The fire cracker fart is thus redolent of gun powder, chilly crabs, 1000 yr old eggs,stir fried broccoli, and crinkly cabbage. You sometimes get the feeling we would be better off with the evil spirits.

[Dot]

THE GERMAN FART.
The growl of Panzers in the western desert, the deep throaty thrum of the beer halls, the whump of sauerkraut and pickled pork, the whine of an over- revving BMW, the scream of exploding lederhosen and the plump ja! of a dairy fed fraulein. Healthy, happy, noisy. Did you know the German word for start is fahrt?

[dapope]

Start Pharting.........

[Dot]

H.
The Habitual Fart.
Every office has one. Wears tweed hacking jackets to better facilitate his habit, and eats hard boiled eggs, baked beans, sauerkraut, brussel sprouts, cauliflower, pizza with sausage onion and anchovy, all washed down with diet beer. Wants and deserves a room of his own.