When you're over 60 - who gives a shit !!

[Chuck]

This arsehole girl looked at my beer belly last night and said, sarcastically "Is that VB or XXXX?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath, taste it and find out."

*****

Chatting with a girl in the bar of the Royal last night.
She said... "If you lost a cupla kilos, had a shave & got a decent haircut you'd probably look all right."
I replied... If I did that I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you!"

*****
The following night, in the same pub, I told a different girl that I had the ability to guess what day a woman was born on by just feeling her boobs.
"Really?" She said, "Go on then... try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling her nipples she began to lose patience & said... "Come on - what day was I born smart arse?"
I said "Yesterday."
The swelling should go down in a couple of days!!

*****

A week later I saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said "Great legs."
She giggled & said with a smile "Do you really think so?"
I said "Definitely" Most tables would have bloody collapsed by now!"