Politically (in)correct in Australia

[Chuck]

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I rooted a Sheila called Penny – spooky or what?

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Australia so that they can get back to seeing their own doctor.

I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller. Apparently " A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way to call no 69

I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. . . . ... .It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $10.50/min (charges may vary).

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife.Bound to end in tears though; she's crap at snooker..

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new taser!

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area. I've called him Bankstown .

If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine 'flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 1 minute and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly