Melb Zoo

[Dot]

Melbourne Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to
handle.

Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The Gorilla
was on heat.

To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Colin, a big
Kiwi lad & former, All Black, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery.

Colin, like most Kiwis, seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy
a female of any species. So the Zoo administrators thought they might have a
solution.

Colin was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex
with the gorilla for $500?

Colin showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over
carefully.

The following day, Colin announced that he would accept their offer, but
only under three conditions:

"Fust," he said, "I don't want to have to kuss er."

"Sicondly, you must niver niver tull anyone about thus."

The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked
what his third condition was.

"Wull," said Colin , "You gotta give me another week to come up with the
$500.

[norman]

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant who knows absolutely nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' toyer, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those?, asks the attendant.

"They're called tees" replies Tiger.

"Well, what on this god's earth are dey for?"? inquires the Irishman.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.


"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "Mercedes thinks of everything!".