Hypnotist

[Dot]

A woman comes home and says 'Remember those headaches I've been having all these years?

Well, they're gone!'

'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'

'Angie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand in front of a mirror, and repeat,

'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache,

I do not have a headache!'

Well, it worked!

'That's wonderful' proclaims the husband.

His wife then says, 'Well you haven't exactly been a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years

Why don't you go see the hypnotist and ask if he can do anything for that?'

Reluctantly, the husband agrees. Following his appointment, he comes home, rips off his clothes,

picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom, and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'

He goes to the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love

to his wife like never before.

'WOW! That was wonderful!' She says.

'Don't move! I'll be right back.' Back to the bathroom, then round two was even better than the first time!

His wife sits up, her head spinning. 'OH MY GOD'! she says. A gain he says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'

This time, his wife quietly follows him to the bathroom, sees him standing at the mirror saying ....

' She's not my wife, She's not my wife, She's not my wife!'

His funeral service will be held on Saturday.

[norman]

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question....



WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married Again?



HUSBAND: "Definitely not!



WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"



HUSBAND: "Of course I do.."



WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "



HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."



WIFE: "You would?" ( with a hurt look)



HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)



WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"



HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."



WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"



HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"



WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"



HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."



WIFE "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"



HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."



WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"



HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."



WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?



HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."



WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?



HUSBAND: "Nope, she's left-handed."



WIFE :-- dead silence –



HUSBAND: "oops,……

[norman]

A young Italian girl was
going on a date.

Her Nonna said:
'Sita here ana letame tella
you about this-a younga boy.

He's agonna try ana kiss you,
you are agonna likea dat, but
don't let him do dat.

He's agonna try ana kiss
your breasts, you are agonna
likeadat too, but don'ta let
him do dat eeda.

But mosta important, he's
agonna try ana lay on topa
you, you are agonna really
likea dat, but don'ta let him
do dat for sure.

Doing thata willa disgraza
our family.

With that bit of advice, the
granddaughter went on her


date.

The next day she told
grandma that her date
went just like she had
predicted:'And Nonna,
I didn't let him disgrace
our family as you said.

When he tried to lay on
top of me, I just rolled
him over, got on top of
him, and disgraced
HIS family!'

Nonna fainted!!