Collingwood Jokes Or R They??

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The Team Everyone Loves To Pick On

Collingwood !!!!

A Collingwood girl goes to the welfare office to register for child benefits.
"How many children?" asks the welfare officer.
"Ten" replies the Collingwood girl,
"Ten?" says the welfare worker.
"What are their names?"
"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and Nathan."
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah.." says the Collingwood girl, "It's great because if they are out playing in the street

I just have to shout 'Nathan yer dinner's ready!' or
'Nathan go to bed now!' and they all do it.
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" asks the curious welfare worker.
"That's easy," says the Collingwood girl..
"I just use their surnames"

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A Collingwood girl enters an adult shop and asks for a vibrator.
The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll take that red one."
The man replies:
"That's a fire extinguisher."

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Q. What do you call a 27 year old Collingwood girl?
A. Granny!

Q. What do you call a Collingwood girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. What does a Collingwood girl use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.

Q. There are two Collingwood girls in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman..

Q. What's the most confusing day in Collingwood?
A. Father's day!

Q. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in Collingwood?
A You try finding 3 wise men and a virgin there!

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A primary school teacher explains to her class that she is a Collingwood fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Collingwood fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Collingwood fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Collingwood fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Carlton fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears and said 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Carlton fan?'
'Because my mum is a Carlton fan, and my dad is a Carlton fan, so I'm a Carlton fan too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'That is no reason for you to be a Carlton fan.
You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be
then?'
'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Collingwood fan!'

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An Australian, an Irishman and a Collingwood supporter are in a bar They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs:
'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pot of beer.
Thrilled, they send him over a pot of Guinness, a pot of Fosters and a pot of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pots slowly, one after another.
After He finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement:
'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone.
It's a miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the Collingwood supporter who Says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit!'

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A Collingwood supporter walked into the local job Centre, marched straight up to the counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his
nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but meals
are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The salary package is $200,000 a year!'

The Collingwood supporter said

'You're bullshitting me!'
The man behind the counter said

'Well you started it!'



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Police cordoned off Collingwood City Centre this Morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car.
It later turned out to be a pay slip



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Did you know that the tooth brush was invented by a Collingwood supporter, if it had been invented by anyone else it would have been called a teeth brush

[T1 Terry]

Mick Malthouse goes to a football reunion at Richmond and starts chatting with Damien Hardwick.
Damien says to Mick, “Well Mick, I don’t know what you think of your players at Collingwood, but mine here are all bright and brilliant.”
“How do you know?” asks Mick.
“Oh well, it’s simple”, says Damien. “We put them through a special intelligence test before they can play here. Just pick any of my players and we will see how well he does.”
Mick thinks for a while and then nominates Dustin Martin.
Damien calls him over and asks him,” Tell me Dusty, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?”
“ Ah, that’s simple Dima,” says Dusty, “it’s me”.
“Well done Dusty”, says ,Damien and Mick is very impressed.
Mick returns to Collingwood and wonders about the intelligence of the team.
He calls in Dane Swan and asks,” Dane , tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?”
Dane thinks and thinks and doesn’t know the answer. “Can I think about it a bit more Mick, and I’ll give you an answer tomorrow?”
“ Of course,” says Mick, “you’ve got 24 hours. But it is very important that you come up with the answer.”
Dane goes away, thinks as hard as he can, and then he calls in his teammates. Pendlebury thought it might be his Grandpa but wasn’t sure.
Tarrant was certain that it couldn’t be anyone.
Andrew Krakouer admitted he was sacked from Richmond for not knowing. Cloke also owned up to failing the test while trying to get a position at Punt Rd.
Nick Maxwell thought it could be a cousin in Italy who had been adopted as a child.
The rest of the team wouldn’t even hazard a guess.Darren Jolly went into the foetal position.
20 hours later, Dane is very worried that he still has no answer with only 4 hours to go. Eventually Dane says” I know, I’ll ring James Hird! He’s clever, he’ll know the answer.”
He calls James. “Hirdy,” he says, “tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not you brother and is not your sister?”
“ Very simple,” says James, “it’s me!”
“ Of course!” says Dane and immediately rings Mick.
“ Mick,” says Dane, “ I’ve got the answer: it’s James Hird.”
“ No, you idiot,” says Mick. “It’s Dustin Martin.”

[T1 Terry]

50,000 Collingwood Fans meet at the MCG for a "Collingwood Fans Are Not Stupid" Convention. Presiding is Club President Eddie Maguire.

Eddie says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Collingwood Fans are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

(Player) Anthony Rocca gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
Eddie asks him, "What is fifteen plus fifteen?"
After 15 or 20 seconds Rocca says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then all 50,000 Collingwood Fans start chanting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
Eddie says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 50,000 of you in one place and we have the world wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him other chance."

So he asks, "What is seven plus seven?"
After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety!"
Eddie is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened.

Rocca starts crying and the 50,000 Collingwood Fans begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

Eddie, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "OK! OK! Just one more chance...What is two plus two?"
Rocca closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four!"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 50,000 Collingwood Fans jump to their feet, wave their arms, stamp their feet and scream...


"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"