Ooops...

[Chuck]

Saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.

I shouted - "Where you off to Charlie?"

He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."

Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said,

"That's gonna be a bit awkward init?"

"Not really." he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."

[Chuck]

"

* * * * *

Went out last night and got really wasted.

I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring .

So, at least I got home OK.

* * * * *

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German," she replies.

"Occupation?

"No, just here for a few days."

* * * * *

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral,

a voice from inside screams:

"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"

The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,

"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."

* * * * *

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.

Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

* * * * *

"Jesus Loves You."

Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.

* * * * *


A man is seeking to join the Glasgow Police force.

The Sergeant doing the interview says:

"Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before
you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, he says:

"Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six drug dealers, six extremists, and a rabbit"

The man being interviewed asks, "Why the rabbit?"

"Excellent" says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

[T1 Terry]

Love the last one, there was no mention of there being a rabbit problem eh