It's not rocket science

[T1 Terry]

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo --

"Defrost the chicken."

T1 Terry

[norman]

In a world of small minds, big headlines, major problems and minor irritations there is always a place for the perfect bbq stopper....

No matter where you are, what you are doing, take some time to read this... enjoy it,, let the laughter roll off your belly and fill the space around you with mirth...


Subject: What starts with "F" and ends with "K"

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her

students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the
3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd
grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he
would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of
his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She
agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go
to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two
of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down
and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a
lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong....."

[BruceS]

Now THAT was good!

[norman]

A man goes into the confessional box after years being away from
the Church.


He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.*
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best wine,
Guinness on tap, cigars and chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine
photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their
garments.


He hears a priest come in the room:
"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've
been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is
much more inviting than it used to be."


The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!"*

[T1 Terry]

This is Casino John classic

My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys
in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
His theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst
through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location,
confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been
stolen.


I braced my self with a strong coffee,
then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I
stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these.
"I left my keys in the car and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had
been dropped, but then I heard his voice.
"Are you kiddin' me?" he barked, "I dropped you off"!

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said,
"Well, come and get me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman
I have not stolen your car."

Yep, it's the golden years.

T1 Terry